The Search for Michigan’s most Addicted Fishermen starts here…
Dear Fish Diary:
The headlines say it all. I am in search of Michigan’s most addicted fishermen. Maybe it’s you. Maybe you know somebody who is so hooked on fishing that their life consists of nothing but lures, hooks, fishing shows and stacks of tackle boxes. It’s going to be tough to beat the last few years of Fish-a-holics, but I have faith, you can do it!!!
One arm is noticeably bigger than the other from non-stop casting and reeling. Their boat is in better shape than the vehicle they use to tow it. A male fish-a-holic owns more fishing rods than pairs of socks.
A female fish-a-holic owns more tackle boxes than pairs of shoes. They have one hat, their lucky hat, and it’s totally weather-beaten, sun-bleached and it has never been washed. They have no wall space left in their home to hang another trophy fish. They have an autographed photo of Babe Winkelman in their kitchen because they want everyone to think they know him. They’ve never missed an episode of River Monsters. When it comes to fishing, they live it, love it and fishing takes priority over everything else in their lives.
A fish-a-holic might be someone who places bets with bookies on each major fishing tournament. In fact, they even bet the over-under on weight, how many fish are caught and the size of the winning fish.
They probably read Woods-N-Water News cover to cover every month. Pffffft… no, they don’t, they skip over all of the hunting stories and only read the fishing stories. They also subscribe to every other fishing magazine in the land and keep stacks of back-issues in plain sight that probably double as furniture.
A fish-a-holic has no sick days or vacation time left. A healthy fish-a-holic can fake being sick better than someone who is actually sick. A fish-a-holic would rather go to work sick, so when they do call in sick, man… they must really be sick, or are they?
A fish-a-holic watches the news for one reason, to catch the weather, because they need to know if it’s worth calling in sick the next day. Every now and then, they will call in sick on a rainy day just to make it look good, but they will go fishing anyway.
The last novel a fish-a-holic read was either “Jaws” or “Moby Dick,” and on each fishing excursion, they actually think they are going to catch one of them. They still have a 2024 calendar hanging because nobody came out with a good fish calendar in 2025 or 2026. A fish-a-holic’s best dress shirt has… well, has a fish on it. They are prone to wearing a tee-shirt that says “I’d rather be fishing” to weddings, family gatherings, and maybe even to work. Do they really need that “I’d rather be fishing” T-shirt? Because a fish-a-holic will make sure everyone knows they’d rather be fishing.
A fish-a-holic is an active member of “Angler’s Anonymous,” but does not attend any meetings because they are out fishing on meeting nights. Besides, the fish-a-holic really doesn’t have a problem unless they are not out fishing.
A fish-a-holic will walk into a bait store for a package of hooks and leave with a hundred-dollars of stuff. They think they are the first ones to buy the new hot lure, only to find out, they beat themselves to it because they already had it in the first place. They have at least one container of worms in the refrigerator and have no idea if the worms are alive.
A true fish-a-holic has almost caused several traffic accidents while backing up on the highway to retrieve a roadkill that they needed fur from to tie flies. But at least several motorists got to see their bumper sticker that read, “You can have my fishing rod when you can pry my cold, dead fingers off of it.”
Their wallet is full of pictures of them holding trophy fish, but they don’t have their children’s current school photos. They can barely get up at 7:00 a.m. to get to work on time, but will fly out of bed at 4:00 a.m. to go fishing. Oh yeah, not only do they own the singing bass, they also have a giant bass as a mailbox that probably sings too.
The fish-a-holic probably dressed up as Charlie Tuna at least once in their life. The movie “Finding Nemo” made them cry and they grew up wanting a pet dolphin named “Flipper.”
A fish-a-holic would most likely buy a fishing rod for their spouse on their birthday and rarely let them use it. Cats seem to appear out of nowhere and follow the fish-a-holic around.
They know the fishing laws and regulations better than any DNR officer and can prove it. Fish-a-holics have a unique gift to turn any office conversation into a fish story. They use tip-up flags on their mole traps. They will drive around with expired vehicle plates, but be the first ones in line to renew their fishing license. They think an “all-species” license is a challenge to catch at least one of every species in a year. A fish-a-holic probably once had an altercation with a police officer because they swore their license plate that read, “Fishermen have longer rods” was a legal plate.
In Michigan, we have a million license holders to choose from. Surely there must be a handful of addicts. This is the “Great Lake State,” a place where it would be perfectly acceptable and understandable to be a fish-a-holic. Unless you are married to the fish-a-holic and you didn’t like fishing.
Simply send a short story as to why you, or someone you know, should be named Michigan’s Fish-a-holic. And please send photos of the fish-a-holic nominee and the fish-a-holic’s living space, anything that would show why this person is a true fish-a-holic. Please include the nominee and the submitter’s contact information, phone and email. Deadline for submission is August 1, 2026, by email sent to (DaPhotoDude@aol.com). Once I have read through the submissions, I will take a few of the best stories and write features before crowning Michigan’s 2027 Fish-a-holic.
